We are convinced that if we hold on to something, we get to control it. Detachment is unflatteringly associated with loss, therefore pain. We tend to falsely assume that once we let go of the control, of a relationship, of a dream, we lose it forever. When in fact it is quite the opposite.
Once you let go, you allow for the magic to unfold.
Have you ever got this paralysing feeling of that burning desire and its foreboding threat of not being fulfilled?
Have you ever longed for something so much that the fear of actually not getting it left you exhausted?
Has the attempt of clinging to it any tighter brought you gratification?
Attachment can be developed in many forms.
You can establish it by expecting someone to act a certain way, and when it fails to happen, you are left frustrated. You are conditioned by the behaviour of the external factor.
You can get attached to certain beliefs ingrained in your subconscious by unconsciously following your parents’ rules, society’s expectations or judgments based on fear stemmed from your childhood.
You can be fixed on one outcome of the situation and failing to perceive abundant options laid out in front of you, which do not correspond with your prior expectations. Nonetheless, those alternatives can guide you to explore the unknown territory, which can burgeon into the opportunity of unique magnificence.
You can have eyes only for one person to be involved in a romantic relationship with, all because of your assumptions about their character. This person can be extremely incompatible with your aspirations in life, yet you got so attached to building a life together that your energy is thwarted from moving ahead.
Eventually, the thing, the outcome, the person you allow yourself to be attached to, will become your downfall, whether in spoiling your day, causing you to feel negative emotions or acting out nervously. Attachment does not serve you. You can find comfort in it. You can derive temporary pleasure, but it will not bring you fulfilment and long-term happiness. Indeed, the root of all suffering is the attachment which we are responsible for.
Releasing attachment, letting go of the outcome presents you with a myriad of opportunities. It will make you calmer, mindful, happier and more magnetic. Attachment always creates resistance, whether in your creativity flow, love life, establishing meaningful relationships based on trust.
When you are attached to the outcome of a situation, person you are living with, money you are accumulating, you are actually building your identity upon the external, something breakable, something that can be easily taken away from you.
Once the trip is over, money taken away from you, what do you end up with? Your core beliefs. Your core feelings. Nothing has really changed inside, but the external world has been replaced, thus it is being implied as if you have no tools to rekindle that spark. You became too attached to the external factors to make you happy. When in fact, it is only you who can make yourself happy. Never the other person nor the luxurious holiday destination. That lasts a moment. The relationship with you and the outside world lasts forever.
Letting go is easy. Allow it to be easy because whatever you believe makes it true.
Do I advocate for not caring? Yes! Not caring does not mean being apathetic. It means not trying to control the situation or the outcome.
Not caring what others might think.
Not caring whether you get that specific job or another.
Not caring whether they like you, worship you or accept you.
You are not caring because you feel pretty damn well either way. Your happiness does not depend upon the behaviour of other people. Your perpetual delight is not dependent upon the outcome of that situation because you trust unshakably in the best timing and ability to stay well along the way despite the external conditions.
You care about the way you feel. You care about how you spend your energy by tending to your good-feeling thoughts. It is when you become wholly independent and authentic in your purest form.
Once you let go of the control, you are in full power radiating magnetic energy around so that everything you need comes to you. Any performance becomes simple and effortless as you find yourself anew by discovering new passions and new potential.
Intuitively answer this question: who is more attractive? The needy person, begging for attention, loud for approval or the chill-out person, aware of their worth, just being authentic, living a passionate life?
How to let go?
Contrary to popular belief, the action of letting go is not difficult. It is the choice we have to make, which seems daunting. Either you decide to cut yourself off or not. No analysing. No pros and cons.
Change is certain. Change is beneficial. Change is what makes us grow and evolve. Change helps us to see new perspective. Just as your body becomes unhealthy and less useful while being stagnant, the same applies to your mind once it is not flexible.
Do not get attached but appreciate everything and everyone while it lasts. Learn from it. Derive joy from it. But do not stay in one place or one position. Embrace changes and experiences as you go. Cherish them. Speak about them to those who are ready to listen.
Awareness is the key
First, you need to become aware of beliefs holding you back, your attachment style, as I would like to call it. Whether it is your ideal identity you became attached to, an expectation, a fixed way of doing things, and before any of that can be transformed, you need to acknowledge the presence and effect it has on you.
Why are you so attached to this particular thing/person/method? What emotion are you trying to cultivate? What is the meaning behind your attachment?
You believe you are attached to the situation, but in reality you are being addicted to the feeling it provides you with. Let’s say consuming a specific kind of food gives you a false sense of security. You are chasing a certain relationship because you believe it will make you feel lovable, thus you are chasing validation and security combined. You may be attached to your previous profession because of the sense of importance that position determined for you. Can’t you see how fleeting and destructive such thinking could be? It brings no real value to your present life.
In life everything is neutral except the meaning we grant it with.
Letting go does not imply suppressing your emotions. It means quite the opposite. It is allowing the feelings to surface because only then are you able to observe and let go. Acknowledge the loss. Acknowledge the feeling of missing somebody by also being aware of the love that has surrounded you and still lives within. Nothing external can control the way you feel unless you let them. Do not bury yourself under the emotion. Do not let it dominate you. You get to control how you feel every second by choosing what to focus upon.
Become aware of the pain and old habits which are holding you back. Become aware of your reality which you have created and which you can change as well. Become aware of your presence in this world as a gift. Minds like to trick us into believing that hard work only brings a payoff. Traumatic experiences can only be triumphed by thorough and dramatic therapy sessions. I have got news for you: you do not need to go through some crazy magical voodoo practices. All you need is awareness.
Do not judge yourself
You are not your past. There is no wrong or right. Who decides anyway? Let the memories, the past go. You did exactly what you could at that time with the exact tools you have been given. If you were unable to get through past experiences, you would not be presented with them in the first place. They have moulded you into the person you are today. People and experiences are your best teachers, the most precious gifts. Words do not teach, experiences do. Life is a magnificent self-learning journey; a learning playground.
Become immersed in gratitude, every single day.
By enumerating those aspects you get to be thankful for, it becomes natural to anchor yourself in the present moment. Due to this fact, you get to untangle your brain from distressing thoughts tying you to past experiences or worrisome future scenarios.
Appreciate what you already possess and have experienced. We tend to be thankful for what we already have, but it is even more important to be thankful for people we have met, events we have learnt and experiences that enriched us. Gratitude opens the door for more to come into our lives. Gratitude is the source of all magic.
Become emotions you wish to receive
Remember, it is always the emotion you are after, not the possession itself. It is a great gift to be aware of our attachment. When you really want something, it is because you believe you will feel better in the having of it. So ask yourself, why do you want it in the first place. What is the emotion you are seeking? What makes you reach out for it? Do you feel like something is missing? Those questions will lead you to beliefs you need to paraphrase, so they can match your dream.
Have a clear intention
Upon waking up, set your eyes on the emotion you wish to uphold throughout the day. If you do not know yet what you feel passionate about, start with the emotion. I bet it feels good to you having clarity of your day, feeling peaceful about any unfolding, deriving joy from drinking your morning coffee. That is it. Start with small things but focus on the emotions you are feeling. Your good thoughts, just like the domino effect, will take you further.
“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.”
Nature is simple. Rules of life are simple. Coming home, to your true self, is simple. Ego needs the champagne, ego needs fireworks. Your heart? It does not need splendour. The heart needs presence and awareness to eventually be willing to let go of that which no longer serves you.
In fact, you are never letting go, you are actually letting in a major blessing into your life. You are giving space for the right people, experiences to enter. When you let go you raise your vibrations.
Let go of control over your feelings. There is no need for you to stifle them.
Let go of trying to fix everybody.
Let go of trying to make the world the right place.
Nothing is broken. Nothing needs to be fixed. Not everyone needs to see the world through your lenses. Let everyone be.
Let go, so it can be completed, for not to be repeated.