What does it mean to be independent?
To live on your own?
To own your apartment?
To run your own business?
Having lots of money on your bank account?
How about taking care of your own energy?
What most people tend to do is relying on somebody else to make them feel better, to feel more lovable. We want the other person to make us happy, that is why we want to fall in love so badly because then our life will get so much better.
Indeed, once you are in love, especially during early stages, the world seems brighter, colours are so vivid, food tastes better, actually we don’t even need food. It is frankly intoxicating to fall in love. You feel like the other person is bringing the best in you.
Actually, when you are putting your happiness in the hands of somebody else, you are setting yourself up for a failure as you are relying on somebody else’s behaviour to control your mood.
What about the situation when the person is not acting according to your expectations?
Are you doomed to a miserable day?
What if the person walks away?
Are you bound to be heartbroken and devastated until you find somebody else?
This scenario does not strike me as being independent on your own. It portrays an example of an extremely unhealthy codependence.
Do not get me wrong, I am all in for falling in love, entering new relationships because they make you find yourself. New bonds and experiences make you expand and learn.
For me, one of the biggest revelations of this year so far has been the belief that I do not have to enter any relationship to last. I can begin a partnership because I wish to commit myself to the other person for as long as we are compatible, not till death do as part, not to sustain one’s energy at the expense of one another.
I am also not encouraging moving on to the next relationships as soon as possible.
I am advocating independence.
Do not place yourself in a vulnerable position so that anyone and anything can bring you down.
Every event of your day, every meeting can be a precious avenue to your connection with yourself, with your passion, your inspiration in life. The key is to mark it as one. You decide how you want to look at things; from the perspective of a victim and a needy person or from a perspective of a bold treasure seeker who is always finding an expansion in life.
Find yourself various avenues to make yourself feel good, not just one person or one ritual to boost up your mood. Most importantly find comfort in your thoughts. What I mean by this: shape your beliefs to match the reality you want.
Create your own mood every day despite anyone’s bad temper. You have the potential to choose your thoughts and what you focus upon. You are in a position to wield your own power, do not switch it off or give it away to somebody else or any substance addiction for that matter.
Quit relying on somebody else to make you happy, bring you roses, come up with an idea for your business. Co-exist instead of being co-dependent. You already have all the tools necessary for you to thrive and surely you do not need another human being to make you whole, sparkly and complete.
Because when it is good, you live in a fairytale, right? And when things are not going your way, you are just going to give up? Where is the independence in that? It is not likely that the other person is going to be constantly happy and in the mood to cheer you up. Wake up! They have their own things going on.
It is soothing and pleasant to be on the same wavelength, but it is surely more challenging and exciting to learn from one another, to be inspired, to fall in love with life every single day and to be your own sunshine of the day despite what might be going on outside that very moment.